Chapter 26: I Forgive Myself

You ever feel like you let yourself down for not meeting a goal or not delivering in an area you expected to excel in? Well, if you haven't, I definitely have. There are times I've set some goals and beat myself up about the fact that  I didn't meet them. But then I learned something, something that changed my life and freed me. I learned to forgive myself. I learned that no matter what, I am only human and I have my limits.Last week I set out to blog everyday until my birthday, tomorrow, and that definitely didn't happen. I didn't anticipate to have such an emotionally draining week. I cried, I prayed, I cried again because I could not muster up the energy to even explain what it felt like to feel the absence of my husband on my birthday. I didn't want to face it. As the days started passing, I realized that it was ok. I'll take the good, the bad, and everything just to be lifted from the expectations of man or myself. I decided that I'd forgive myself for not being able to blog everyday and although it may same minor to you, I needed to let it go.Sometimes in life you just can't predict how you will react to any given moment in time, but we must trust our Creator with the process. Tomorrow is my birthday and the reality is that my husband will not be here. I also realize that even in his absence, his presence is felt so strongly. I can hear him in the laughter of the room, I can feel him in the beating of my heart, I can see him in the many handwritten letters he left me. He is in heaven watching over me with the biggest smile on his face.I love you babi.

love, michelle ana